Are you frugal -- or stingy?

"Giving and saving are frugality's magic bullets: Giving is the antidote for greed; saving is the antidote for fear," Hunt said. "If you always give and save first, you won't become greedy and you'll never be broke."

Stingy is a way of life

Message-board poster Spoochin takes pride in getting the most out of every dollar spent, but her approach to giving illustrates Hunt's point. She donates clothes to a charity that helps people affected by natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina.

"I'll take a fixed amount of money and buy off-season clothes or items that are on sale so I can send the largest number of garments possible," Spoochin posted. "I try to buy the nicest items I can find because if the situation were reversed and I had to accept charity, I'd want to receive something that made me feel proud to wear it, not a torn, stained item that someone else didn't want."

Of course, not everyone has enough money to buy clothes for strangers, and many who do have other priorities. But generosity of spirit tends to show through in the patterns of people's actions over time, and so does stinginess.

That's how my buddy decided her gourmet boyfriend was a mensch, not a miser. He showers her with attention, likes to throw parties and loves to feed people well -- not exactly the traits of a stingy man.

My friend with the kids, on the other hand, decided that it was OK to say yes to their requests a little more often. She may never shake the fear of not having "enough," but the objective facts of her financial situation mean she can afford to cut loose with them once in awhile.

Time to look at yourself

If someone's accusing you of stinginess or you're wondering if you're being stingy, you might consider the following:

How do I feel about my choices regarding sharing, charity or tipping? If you're guided by a spirit of generosity, your choices should sit well with your conscience. If you're feeling angry or defensive or rationalizing with a rant that involves the deficiencies of "the System," you might want to take a look at why you're so rattled.

Am I being fair? When in doubt, trot out the Golden Rule. Are you treating others as you would want to be treated? Or are you doing something you wouldn't want done to yourself? Is someone else being forced to pay a cost while you benefit?

What are my alternatives? There's usually a path between being a spendthrift and being stingy, although you may need some creativity to find it. For example:

• You don't have to shell out a fortune for a wedding present if you put some care into its selection. That takes more time than snatching something pricey off the registry, but a thoughtful gift is never stingy -- and vice versa.

• If your friends want to go to an expensive restaurant you can't afford, you can always suggest a less expensive (but still fun) alternative. But you do have to contribute your full share to the bill, including drinks, tax and tip. Asking your friends to subsidize your meal may not be precisely stingy, but it's certainly freeloading.

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• You don't have to give to every panhandler who asks you for change. But you may feel better saying no if you regularly give to a charity of your choice.

• You don't have to buy Girl Scout cookies from every kid outside a grocery store. But if she shows up at your door in her cute little uniform, you do have to buy at least one box from your niece.

Liz Pulliam Weston's new book, "Easy Money: How to Simplify Your Finances and Get What You Want Out of Life," is now available. Columns by Weston, the Web's most-read personal-finance writer and winner of the 2007 Clarion Award for online journalism, appear every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions on the Your Money message board.

Updated Jan. 25, 2008

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