Extra1/13/2011 11:09 AM ET

6 marriage-killing money issues

'Til debt do you part? Find out how couples can stave off power struggles, fights over how much to help in-laws and other potential conflicts.

[Related content: save money, bills, love and money, Marriage, savings]

By Investopedia

Arguments about money hamper many marriages.

In fact, couples fight about money twice as much as they fight about sex, according to a Money Magazine survey. And the challenges can start even before you say "I do."

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Here are several of the major money issues couples can face:

1. Debt

From school loans to car loans, credit cards to gambling habits, most people come to the altar with financial baggage. If one partner has more debt than the other -- or worse yet, one partner is debt-free -- the sparks can fly when discussions about income, spending and servicing debt arise.

Knowing what you are about to get yourself into can help you decide how to deal with it. If you just can't come to an agreement, but your heart won't let you walk away, a prenuptial agreement may be an option.

2. Personality conflicts

Personality can play a big role in discussions about money.

Even if both partners are debt-free, the age-old conflict between spenders and savers can play out in a variety of ways.

Pay attention while you are dating, and be honest about your personality.

Talking about your views and feelings can help put both partners at ease, or at least let them know what to expect.

3. Power plays

He brings home a paycheck; she doesn't. Or he's unemployed and she's working. Or one spouse earns more than the other. Or her family has money and his doesn't. It's power-play time.

The money earner (or the one with the access to mom and dad's money) often wants to dictate the spending priorities.

If you're the one with more cash, be sensitive about how you present spending decisions. If you don't have the money, you need to prepare for the stress and tension that are almost inevitable, even in good marriages.

This subject comes up with increasing frequency when couples wait until later in life to marry.

One solution that has proved successful is for the higher-earning spouse to delegate all spending decisions to the lower-earning spouse.

It takes a particular personality type to cede power like that, but if you can do it, it may be a path to peace.

4. Sorting out mine, yours and ours

Sometimes, when each spouse works and partners can't agree on financial issues, they decide to split the bills down the middle or allocate them in some other equitable manner. Once the bills are covered, each spouse can spend what he or she has left as desired.

It sounds reasonable, but the process often builds resentment over individual purchases. It also divides the spending power, eliminating much of the financial value of marriage.

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5. Having children

To have or not to have? That is merely the first question. It now costs nearly $300,000 to raise a child for 18 years. Of course, once you have a child, you have to care for your new family member: food, clothing, shelter, Little League, ballet, designer jeans, prom gowns, first cars, college -- and what about checks after they leave the nest?

If children are in your future, start teaching them about money when they are young. Preparing them for a financially responsible future reduces the odds of them dipping into your wallet once they grow up and knocking your savings plan off track. Use allowance and goals to teach your children about earning, saving and spending money.

6. Dealing with the in-laws

Her mom wants a vacation in Las Vegas.

His parents need a car.

Her deadbeat brother can't make the rent.

His sister's husband lost his job. Now one spouse is writing a check, and the other wants to know why that money wasn't used to address needs at home or fund a vacation for "us."

This works the other way, too. His mom will pay to fly him home for the holidays. Her mom will buy her a Lexus because the Honda she drives isn't good enough. His mom buys the grandkids extravagant gifts, and her mom can't afford to match that kind of spending. The joys of family often extend right into your wallet.

Extended family can be a big challenge. Even if you win the argument, the loser can often exact a penalty that outweighs the win. Living with a resentful, angry, frustrated spouse can be a miserable experience. Having a policy agreed upon in advance can help stave off the trouble. Of course, the best policy is: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."

For richer, for poorer

Challenges aside, getting married can have serious financial advantages. It is a great way to double your income without doubling your expenses. If you can synchronize your goals, you can reach them much more quickly than you could working alone.

In most marriage problems, lack of communication is often the underlying issue. If your head is in the clouds, read "You can't live on love" for some down-to-earth financial advice. If you've already said "I do," read "Create a pain-free postnuptial agreement. This marital contract can underline your love for each other -- not undermine it.

This article was reported by James E. McWhinney for Investopedia.

Published Jan. 13, 2011

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1/14/2011 11:16 AM

If you are a Guy and getting ready to tie the knot or recently tied the knot, get to know the words, "Yes, Dear". I don't use these words, but I know many Men that have adopted this slogan, and it works well with keeping the Peace. When the Woman speaks, and she wants to purchase Blah,Blah, Blah and asks you your thoughts, then you respond "Yes, Dear". She will think you are on the same page and she has won the battle.

If you are talking about children or going to have children, be prepared to talk about if the Woman is staying at home to raise little Sunny Boy. Your Household Income will be split in Half once more, and look for demands from her to increase. And, when you have had enough, just refer back to paragraph one, and tell her "Yes, Dear", and she will think Marriage is Bliss.

If she tells you to pick up some sanitary napkins or tampons because of Aunt FLO, say "Yes, Dear". Head to Target, and get the Target Namebrand for Pads, and pick up O-B for the Tampons. She may say, "Hey, you did not pick up the correct brands that I use." You say," the pads were on sale, and that O-B is self-guided so you were concerned w/toxic shock or some other health reason, and you were looking after her bests interests. I promise you this will be the very last time she will send you to the store to buy anything with feminine hygiene.

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