Should I pay my boyfriend's debt?

By Bankrate.com

My boyfriend has more than $30,000 in credit card debt that he wants me to help pay off. He amassed an additional $30,000 debt three years ago but rolled this into his mortgage. I don't think I should help pay for any of this debt. Do you agree?

Wow, he must think he is some special boyfriend or that you are a very gullible young lady! I agree with you, without a single doubt, hesitation, reservation, misgiving or qualm. Your boyfriend has dug himself a fairly deep debt hole without your help. Not to mention the fact that he covered up his previous debt hole by rolling over the debt to his mortgage. Still, to give him his due, he has managed to purchase a home.

So, as a former credit counselor, I'd like to believe that maybe he just needs sound advice and encouragement to see the error of his overspending ways. However, as a father, my suggestion would be to run away from this guy as far and as quickly as possible.

Before you decide whether the relationship is salvageable, remember: He has shown -- by getting into debt, to the tune of $30,000 within three years of transferring an additional $30,000 in debt -- that he is oblivious or ignorant about how to manage his finances. I'm not sure which of these characteristics is his main attraction. You, however, apparently understand the financial score and realize that by helping pay down his debt, you would be encouraging him to do it yet again, but this time with your money!

If, for some unexplained reason, you don't want to take my fatherly advice and dump the boyfriend, there are several things you might get him to try that may help him while not hurting you financially in the process.

Things you can try:

• The most important thing he can do to help himself is to stop overspending right now. If you don't think he will stop, drastic measures may have to be taken, such as cutting up his credit cards or freezing them in a block of ice in his freezer. If that fails, you might move on to freezing something more personal -- I mean, like your relationship!
• Work with him to prepare a spending plan so that he gets out of the habit of spending tomorrow's money today. In addition, he will need to include an allocation in the plan to pay down the $30,000 debt. His level of enthusiasm for this process will be a good indicator of his, and your relationship's, likely success.
• Paying off debt can be arduous and, from my experience, no fun. You could offer to do something special with him once a month around the time he has to send in payments to his creditors. Consider a low-cost excursion or, better yet, a free trip to a local art museum or park.

I hope he is one of many boyfriends you have. Being with a person who is out of control financially can be fun for a short time, but it sure gets old fast once the bills come due. Good luck!

Continued: My husband is hiding debt

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