Money trouble? It's your own fault

By Liz Pulliam Weston

If you're having money problems, you probably have good reasons.

Maybe you're getting less overtime or your expenses have unexpectedly climbed. Perhaps your ex left you with big debts. Maybe your parents never taught you about money.

You might blame the economy for the fix you're in. Then there's the whole credit industry, which hands out credit cards like confetti before slapping you with interest rates that would make a loan shark blush. Or maybe you're just not good with numbers.

You may comfort yourself with the idea that your money fix isn't entirely your fault.

Here's the thing, though: Reasons have expiration dates. Rely on them too long and they harden into excuses.

I'm fully aware, writing this, that now is a challenging time for many Americans. Median incomes have stagnated, globalization and technology are wiping out whole industries, wealth is increasingly concentrated in fewer hands, and too many people -- 44.8 million, by the Census Bureau's most recent account -- have no health insurance.

Meanwhile, lenders are lavishing credit on people who can't handle it, and mortgages that should never have been made are proving unpayable, causing people to lose their homes.

• Talk back: Are you alone to blame for your financial troubles?

There's certainly plenty of blame to go around. But if that's as far as you get, you'll never get ahead.

Are you a financial adolescent?

Part of maturity is taking responsibility for ourselves. We need to see and acknowledge our role in the problems that befall us. Even if we're entirely blameless, which is rare, we still need to figure out how to play the cards we've been dealt -- to find solutions instead of just complaining. That's what maturity is all about.

When it comes to money, though, a lot of people want to remain financial adolescents. How much easier it is to point fingers at other people, the government, the economy or lenders for our money woes than to acknowledge we're at least somewhat -- and sometimes a lot more than somewhat -- responsible for the fixes we're in.

Let's take a gut check right now. Are you nodding and saying, "Amen, sister?" Then you need read no further. If steam is coming out your ears and you're already searching for the feedback form to give me a piece of your mind, then hang in a bit longer. Because the madder you are, the more likely I've just hit home.

I'll give you some examples of what people say, in e-mails and Your Money message board posts, that illustrate the point. Let's start with a common one:

"My parents never taught me about money." The statute of limitations on that excuse expired when you turned 18 and could be held responsible for a legal contract, like a loan or a credit card agreement.

Besides, how many families do you know in which one child is good with money and another is seemingly hopeless? The parents may have imparted financial wisdom, but one child heard while the other tuned out. Or maybe the parents were terrible with money, and one child decided to avoid their fate by educating himself or herself while the other followed in the folks' spendthrift footsteps.

The good news is that the past doesn't have to dictate the future. If you're smart enough to have read this far, you can teach yourself to handle money, too. Spend a few hours on this site (I'd suggest staring here or with a good primer like Eric Tyson's "Personal Finance for Dummies," and you'll be on your way.

"My credit card company jacked up the rate/changed my terms/piled on fees." Were you carrying a balance? Then you left yourself open for all manner of abuse from your credit card company.

You might try the defense that you didn't know any better. But in all my years of writing about personal finance, I've yet to come across someone who didn't know, at the core, that carrying a credit card balance was a bad idea.

There are also those who believe they had no choice. In some cases, such as when you're uninsured and trying to get medical care, I have sympathy. It's still not a good idea to put those balances on your cards (read "How to survive your hospital bills" for details), but sometimes it can seem the only way to get treatment.

Either way, it's up to you to deal with this debt. Whining about it isn't getting you anywhere. Check out MSN Money's Learn to Budget Decision Center for tips, strategies and help, and get going.

Continued: "I should be able to live better than this."

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