How to handle panhandlers

By Liz Pulliam Weston

I met my first beggar when I was 15.

She was tiny, perhaps 5 years old, with huge brown eyes and a tangle of black curly hair. She was ostensibly selling packets of gum, wandering from table to table at an outdoor restaurant in a Mexican resort town.

(Younger folk, raised with ubiquitous urban homelessness, may find incredible that I'd never before come face-to-face with a panhandler. But I lived in a rural area in an era before U.S. homeless populations skyrocketed.)

I think we bought gum from the little girl -- I can't remember. What I do remember is that she wouldn't leave our table, but kept staring at us sadly with those big eyes. I also remember the emotions I felt as we tried to shoo her away: Pity. Irritation. Sadness. Suspicion. Embarrassment. And a little outrage at a world where such things could occur.

The emotions, in short, that most of us feel when a stranger asks us for money on the street.

Small change, big decision

The amount of cash requested or given in these encounters is rarely very large, but few small-dollar transactions in our lives generate so much internal turmoil as being panhandled. Deciding whether and when to give is, for many, no easy task.

Every major religion tells us to take care of the poor, and many people feel a moral obligation to help the less fortunate. But when asked for a dime, or a buck, or money for a meal, we still squirm. Are we helping, or being scammed? Are we brightening somebody's day or aiding someone's downfall? Will they accept what we offer, demand more, or threaten us if we say no? What does it say about us if we give -- and what does it say if we don't?

Here's how one poster on the Your Money message board, LolaStressed1, put it:

"When I was young and in Sunday school, they'd talk about Bible stories where the poor and downtrodden were ignored and no one would help them. I always thought I'd never be like that to someone in need. Then you grow up and get in the real world and suddenly you're taking the long way around the block to avoid the park where all the bums hang out."

The sheer volume of beggars in cities discourages poster DFish from giving.

"In most major cities there are panhandlers on every freeway exit ramp or busy street corner," DFish wrote. "If I gave money to all of them I would be broke."

No way to win

Some try to distinguish the "deserving" from the not through various means: how pathetic or needy the beggar looks, how convincing the story or even how witty the approach. (The "Why lie? It's for beer" signs seem to be a particularly popular gambit.)

But bad experiences with ungrateful or aggressive panhandlers lead some to ignore requests for help, while others cite safety concerns.

"I always, always say no," wrote BerryBlack, a Your Money poster who is importuned daily on the streets of Washington, D.C. "I'm not heartless, but I usually carry no cash anyway, and if I do have cash on hand, I'm not about to open up my bag to fish for my wallet. … There's too much risk of someone grabbing it and running."

Many worry that their generosity will backfire on the recipient and on their communities.

"I believe that just giving them money is a form of enabling, and will do nothing more than encourage them to spend more time on the corner begging," poster Nervous1 wrote. "And it will bring more beggars in time."

Indeed, there are those who work with the homeless who urge us not to give cash to panhandlers.

Andy Bales, president of the Union Rescue Mission in downtown Los Angeles, said that not everyone who begs is homeless or indigent, and some panhandle primarily to get drug or alcohol money. Even beggars in the direst straits would be better off, he said, getting their needs met at a shelter rather than through individual donations on the street.

"What they need is a hand up and encouragement to give life another try," Bales said. "They need a relationship that will help them out of a hopeless lifestyle."

Some alternatives

Many shelters offer free business cards, printed with their addresses, hours and services, that can be handed out instead of cash. Gift certificates to fast-food joints are another alternative when panhandlers ask for money for a meal.

Bales acknowledged that he doesn't always have time to respond to everyone who hits him up for money, but said he always tries to be civil, since those in need often feel invisible.

"You can always say, 'No, thank you,'" Bales said.

Not everyone agrees that directions to the nearest shelter are an appropriate response. Randy Cohen, who writes "The Ethicist" column for the New York Times Magazine, said he finds people's reluctance to give money to beggars who might misspend it "slightly priggish."

"You're giving them a dollar," he says. "You don't get to judge their life."

Still, he admitted he's far from having the answers. Cohen said he rarely gives cash when panhandled, preferring to give money to charity and to work for political change to end poverty and homelessness. But every time he's asked for money, he says, he feels "shame and guilt … I never quite know what to do."

Some of his friends, Cohen said, try to resolve their unpleasant stew of reactions by never giving money to anyone who asks. Others always give. Some attempt to thread the needle by only giving in certain situations -- if the panhandler has a child, say -- while others refuse to give in those same situations because the beggar "is using a child in that Dickensian way," said Cohen, author of "The Good, The Bad & The Difference: How To Tell Right From Wrong in Everyday Situations." Many are consistent only in their inconsistency -- sometimes an appeal is rewarded, other times they turn away.

One thing he and his friends have in common: "No one feels good" about the solutions chosen.

Whatever you decide, here are some thoughts for the next time you're panhandled:

• Stay civil. If you're not going to give, a simple "No, thanks" is an appropriate response, mission operator Bales said. A snide comment or argumentative tone can provoke aggression, while ignoring a request can make the other person feel invisible -- something the homeless already experience often enough. Bales says he's asked for money many times every day, but says, "I've never had trouble when I treated the other person as a human being."

• Stay safe. That said, there's no denying that some panhandlers are just plain scary. If you feel unsafe, Bales said, the most important thing is to get away quickly. Don't feel obligated to talk to anyone or go anywhere alone with someone who approaches you on the street. If you do want to give cash, keep the money readily accessible so that you don't have to dig into your pants or purse for a wallet.

• Explore alternatives. Donations to your local shelters ensure that your money goes for feeding and clothing the homeless, rather than supporting a panhandler's vices. (Such donations are also tax-deductible if you itemize.) Some folks carry old blankets, coats and even nonperishable food in their cars to give to the homeless. If someone asks for money and you want to give something else, though, ask if the person wants the item before thrusting it into his or her hands. (And don't give anything that requires a can opener.) The same rule applies if you want to buy a meal rather than give cash. My experience has been that many panhandlers welcome a fast-food meal, but others really do want the cash; either way, my offers tend to be well-received when I make eye contact and inquire politely.

Liz Pulliam Weston's column appears every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions in the Your Money message board.