Happy-hooker fantasy has got to go

First, the reality for prostitutes

"Not everyone in this business is a high-class, jet-set call girl," says Jennifer Clamen, the communications director for Stella, an association of sex workers in Montreal.

The much-publicized $4,300 price that Spitzer paid, Clamen says, isn't crazy given New York City's pay scale and who "Client 9" turned out to be. "Remember, you're talking about a governor, and you pay more for the discretion," she says.

A typical New York City sex worker on a call to a john in your average hotel would get more like $200 per hour, Clamen estimates.

"And the pimps or the agency typically take 50% of that," says Melissa Farley, the director of Prostitution Research and Education, a nonprofit organization in San Francisco.

Farley, a clinical and research psychologist who wrote "Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the Connections," is horrified that anyone would look at prostitution with dollar signs in their eyes.

Though she acknowledges that highly paid prostitutes exist, "this is a minority," Farley says. "The idea that these women get rich, that's just a fantasy. It's just bogus, and there's no evidence for it. I've interviewed women on five continents and nine countries, across the United States."

Why more money is not the answer

Of course, whether prostitution is truly lucrative or not isn't the point.

Yes, after watching the "Today" video or listening to some of the escorts being interviewed on radio and TV right now, joining the sex trade might look easy and profitable. If you were living paycheck to paycheck, working a dreary job (or two), you might want a slice of that pie. Or be tempted to dream about trying it.

But this isn't about the reality of that gold mine but about the downfall of letting yourself get sucked into yet another "what if I win the lottery?" delusion.

In those fantasies, the money is the end. Because the money solves the problems.

And that's where we all, men and women alike, lose our financial footing. Imagining that you might start a hedge fund, sell a million-dollar screenplay, become the next Heidi Fleiss or marry Daddy Warbucks puts the onus on the money instead of where it belongs: on you and your own financial efforts.

I hate to be the giant reality-check fairy here, but until we rid ourselves of fantasies like these, why would we want to take charge of our money? Why wrestle with debt or fight hard for the pay raise you deserve? Why walk away from $100 shoes you don't need (or a $175 handbag, as I did recently, I'm proud to say) if you can have it all by marrying well or getting to know the hallways of your city's finest hotels?

• Video: The lives of high-priced call girls

Because husbands leave, hedge funds collapse, and police can tap your phone. Because even the highest-priced sex worker can work only for so long. Because until you learn how to deal with money, you will always worry about money, no matter how much you have.

I don't really care what anyone does for a living or how they make their millions (or their $4,000 an hour). But let's stop fantasizing that there is some painless way to have it all.

Published March 13, 2008

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