What really matters in retirement

Happy retirees say it's worth the effort. Good friends of all ages can be a huge asset in retirement.

The older friends are important as sounding boards and guides to what's ahead. Friends our own age get our jokes and pop culture references, while younger friends give us fresh insights, keep us from getting too set in our ways -- and help prevent us from outliving all of our companions.

Warm family relationships

The stereotypical grandparent has a wallet full of grandchildren's pictures and a bumper sticker that says, "If I knew how much fun grandkids were, I would have had them first."

But good relationships with grandkids typically require good, or at least cordial, relationships with the children's parents. Most of the happy retirees I talked to also had warm connections with other family members, including spouses, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and nieces.

These relationships increase retirees' feelings of belonging, well-being and stability in a world where friends can move away and life is constantly changing.

Warner himself is a big fan of family and recommends investing in good relationships whenever possible. That may mean mending an estrangement or helping to end a family feud for the sake of future peace.

Engaging activities

The allure of completely unscripted days, with no commutes, bosses to appease or deadlines to meet, pales rather quickly for many retirees.

As one senior gentleman told me, "You can only play so much golf."

Almost without exception, the successful retirees I interviewed mentioned some activity, hobby or passion that kept their days interesting and gave them a reason to get going in the morning. Some pursued long-delayed dreams to write, paint or teach. Many volunteered. Others were consultants in their pre-retirement fields or started new businesses.

A good number recommended retiring gradually -- switching to part-time work as a way of getting used to a new lifestyle before kissing the office goodbye. Leaving a job can feel like losing your identity, one retiree told me. He was glad he had a few years to develop other interests on the side before accepting his gold watch.

The sudden switch from full-time work to full-time leisure can be devastating for many people, Warner agreed.

Warner's father tried to become a volunteer after moving to a new area. But he had trouble fitting in with people who had been in the community for years. That's why Warner recommends starting to volunteer well before retirement age, so you can make connections and be an invaluable member of a team before you give up your work identity.

Getting a real life

Warner's book is full of other interesting ideas, such as the notion that brokerages and mutual fund companies are fueling Americans' paranoia about not having saved enough for retirement. He asserts, as the title indicates, that $1 million portfolios aren't necessary for most of us and that many retirees will be able to live on less than 70% of their pre-retirement incomes.

Whether or not you agree with everything Warner writes, his prescription for developing the non-financial side of retirement makes a lot of sense.

So think about what you can do, right now, to bolster your future happiness. And hold on to those thoughts the next time the Dow dips or you start worrying if your retirement funds will ever grow again.

"Who knows? Being a little poorer," Warner said, "may even be good for some people."

Liz Pulliam Weston's new book, "Easy Money: How to Simplify Your Finances and Get What You Want Out of Life," is now available. Columns by Weston, the Web's most-read personal-finance writer and winner of the 2007 Clarion Award for online journalism, appear every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions on the Your Money message board.

Updated Dec. 21, 2007

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