What really matters in retirement

By Liz Pulliam Weston

Watching your retirement accounts bounce up and down can make you feel panicky and out of control.

As your life savings shrink, you may be contemplating working longer, saving more and living on less. Even when they bounce back, it can seem a little overwhelming, frightening and unmanageable.

While it's true that no one can control the stock market, let's not forget that there are plenty of other aspects of your future retirement over which you do have some influence.

And many of those might be just as important as (or more important than) money.

The real measures of success

Robust health, close friends, warm family relationships and engaging activities are what really constitute a happy retirement, says Ralph "Jake" Warner, co-founder of Nolo Press, the legal self-help publisher.

Warner's been singing this particular song for years, but until lately, it was tough to get people to listen.

Not so long ago, Warner said, "everyone with a 401(k) plan was sure that they were about to be rich." Now, after a dose of market reality, Warner senses more people are receptive to his ideas.

"It's as if people figure that since they are unlikely to become filthy rich, they need to move on to retirement plan No. 2," Warner said, "which involves embracing more homely virtues, like having good friends, good health and interesting things to do."

Warner's perspective comes from interviewing scores of contented retirees for his book, "Get a Life: You Don't Need a Million to Retire Well," first published in the mid-1990s and now on its fifth edition. The interviewees ranged from well-off seniors to some living just on Social Security checks.

Over and over the retirees told him: Money is good, but it takes a lot more to build a fulfilling retirement.

In fact, the single-minded pursuit of money during your working life can actually take the shine off your golden years. The stress, anxiety and single-minded focus, Warner said, can end up undermining your health, relationships and ability to pursue other interests.

Inspired by a father's death

Who hasn't heard of the hard-charging executive who retires only to die a few years later, done in by poor health, loneliness or boredom?

That, in fact, describes Warner's father, whose death was the inspiration for Warner's book.

And Warner's book has been an inspiration for me. As someone who thinks and writes about money for a living, "Get a Life" reminds me that money is the means, not the end.

My own research underscores what Warner found. Back when the stock market was rocking and I was a daily news reporter, my colleagues and I queried dozens of retirees to find out what they thought of Warner's thesis.

A few gave money more emphasis than Warner did, with some saying their retirements would be more stressful if they hadn't saved as much in their working years.

But we heard the same things Warner did: Money isn't everything.

So once you've got your financial retirement plan in place -- you've thought about your goals, started saving, created a diversified investment portfolio -- you might want to think about getting your life plan in place as well.

This may give you the feeling of control you're lacking right now when it comes to your investments. And if Warner's right, the work you do now that's not related to finances may ultimately be more important to your happiness.

Good health

Obviously, some aspects of your health are beyond your control. Disease and accidents can strike the healthiest of us. But you can reduce your chances of serious problems in many ways: Eat right. Get enough exercise. Maintain a healthy weight. Minimize the effects of stress. Go for regular check-ups and health screenings. (Find help at MSN Health & Fitness.)

Physical health is only part of the picture. Monitoring your mental and intellectual health is important, too.

For example, you can help stave off memory loss and other age-related mental problems by making it a habit to challenge your brain, said researcher Gary Small, director of the Center on Aging at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Doing puzzles, working on brain teasers and reading challenging books throughout your life can help keep your mind sharp and may even ward off Alzheimer's, said Small, author of "The Memory Bible: An Innovative Strategy for Keeping Your Brain Young."

All of the above can also help you ward off depression, a serious problem among the elderly, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. People 65 and older account for nearly 20% of all suicides, even though they make up just 13% of the population. These are preventable deaths, because medication and therapy are extremely effective at combating depression. If you have depressive tendencies, getting help now can prevent the problem from worsening as you age.

Good friends

Another good way to combat depression and social isolation is by cultivating a wide circle of friends. Yet most of us have a tougher time making friends as we get older. Our lives get busy, our habits get more ingrained, we become less flexible.

Continued: Warm family relationships

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