By Abby Ellin, MSN MoneyMany of our attitudes toward money come from our parents -- some good, some bad. And some of us struggle with the bad all our lives.
Understanding that can make the struggles easier.
Let's start with the basics and recognize that rich kids and poor kids feel very differently about the value of a buck. To the scions of the überwealthy, a dollar will look like a fraction of a down payment on a zippy new Alfa Romeo. To those on the other end of the spectrum, it's a defense against an avalanche of bills. Different life experiences engender strong feelings and habits that are hard to change.
Take Patricia Hudak, who grew up in urban Jersey City, N.J., where most of her classmates were black, Hispanic or Asian. Her family was decidedly middle class. She attended New York University, where working-class students struggled while the rich -- actresses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were her classmates -- had a good time. One key difference had to do with student loans. 
Poorer kids worked harder
"My friends who don't have college debt -- I'm jealous of that," says Hudak, 23, joking that she wants to sell one of her kidneys on the black market to pay off her $160,000 in college loans.
Envy isn't a factor for 13-year-old Jenny Bealle. She lives in Darien, an upscale area in Connecticut. From early on, she was taught that if she takes care of her money, it will take care of her. She gets a $20 a month allowance and baby-sits for extra money. Don't talk about money, just spend it
"My parents want me to learn about how to manage money. I have a bank account," Jenny says. "My parents always have us think about the stuff we're getting." A bank for preschoolers
Such as the $150 lacrosse stick her mother recently bought for her?
"My mom was like, 'You're lucky we can get this. When it's your own money you'll be careful with it.'"
What do teenagers of all income groups have in common? A love of money. Once a year, the Harrison Group, a marketing consulting company in Connecticut, surveys 1,300 teenagers 13 to 18 nationwide about their financial attitudes.
This year's study included an in-depth look at those raised in affluent households, those with more than $150,000 in annual income.
Seventy percent of all the teens surveyed said they wanted more money. Half agreed that money "may not buy happiness, but it comes close." And 34%, up from 29% in 2004, said "it is hard to be truly happy without a lot of money."
Not surprisingly, teens raised in more-affluent households had distinctive spending habits and brand preferences. For example, more than 70% of them said they love luxury-car models such as Mercedes-Benz, BMW and Lexus. Jenny's parents have spotted a potential problem there, so they are trying hard to teach her the value of a dollar.
"We live in an area where most of the kids are spoiled and get more money whenever they run out," says her father, Preston. "I wanted my kids to be very responsible in college and after, so I set it up that they'd be restricted and understand about running out. If you never run out, money has no value."
Hudak believes middle-class kids would be better off if they got more instruction of the sort Jenny has received. The lack of solid guidance, she says, can make the struggle for financial success even harder.
"When they graduate, the rich kids can find out more about financial matters," she says. "They can ask their parents about 401(k)s, saving for retirement, mutual funds, investing in stock markets. It wasn't discussed as much in my family or in my friends' families."
During college, Hudak was a member of Students in Free Enterprise. Part of her work with SIFE was to talk to inner-city kids about financial matters. Most of them knew nothing about credit cards or credit scores, or how all that might affect them later in life.
"Inner-city kids are taught more about sex and drugs and violence than how to take care of money," Hudak says. "The poor kids were fearful because they didn't know how it (personal money management) worked, and they didn't want to take risks."
To help other young people learn, Hudak started a company called Real World 101, which prepares college students and recent graduates for, well, the real world.
They need it, says Robert More, a high school math and economics teacher in Montreal. More is amazed at how little parents talk to their kids about finances. He has students detail the cost of running a household for a month.
"It often results in a few angry parents calling me and some tension with their kids," he says. "Students are shocked when I use my paycheck as an example of taxes and deductions. Very few have ever seen their parents' pay stubs.
"When I start asking about future incomes, students may give me unreal expectations of great future wealth," More says. "They will compare their expected earnings with movie stars and hockey players. They do not expect to work on Monday mornings or Friday afternoon. Two weeks' vacation would be unacceptable.
"When I ask more questions about how they'll earn money, they'll move to expectations that are more in line with their parents or relatives."
More encourages ambitious students to recognize the limits of salaried jobs and to become entrepreneurs instead.
"If a student wants to make three times more money, he or she cannot work 120 hours a week," he says. "An entrepreneur, on the other hand, can generate three times, 10 times more business."
More advises students to place 10% of everything they earn into an income-generating fund, so they have the money to fund a business when a good opportunity arises.
Elisabeth Donati works with wealthier kids. Donati, 49, is the founder and executive director of the nonprofit Creative Wealth International (formerly the Money Camp), based in Santa Barbara, Calif. Her program teaches kids and adults to "use their money to be financially free." Participants discuss their belief systems, what money means to them and how to make it, invest it and use it wisely. They do visualizations, trying to conjure up the difference between waking up poor and waking up rich.
"It's really sick that it takes money to learn about money," Donati says.
She opened her first camp in 2002. That was a five-day program in Santa Barbara, with 39 kids. Today she offers 10 courses per summer throughout California and holds private sessions around the world. Roughly 1,000 kids have gone through the program since 2000; about a third get scholarships while the other two-thirds pay the full price (about $289 per kid).
She has noticed some distinguishing characteristics.
"Wealthy people value time; poor people value stuff," she says.
Also: "There's already a belief system in place from kids who are poor or middle class that they feel like you shouldn't have more money than you need, whereas the wealthier kids are saying you can make as much money as you want: 'Look at my dad.'"
Donati teaches young people that financial independence is a choice.
Hudak agrees. She’s helping kids from tough backgrounds overcome attitudes that sabotage success -- and gain the confidence to choose financial accomplishment.
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Produced by Elizabeth Daza/Published June 9, 2008
