The middle-aged owner of a successful software company frets over buying a couch. A single mother, anguished by her $25,000 in credit card debt, is unwilling to say no to her 16-year-old son's plea for a new car. A young fashion designer is so ashamed of her substantial inheritance that she lives in an unsafe neighborhood so she can afford the rent on her salary alone.

Many people find themselves stuck in an illogical pattern with money, regardless of whose advice they follow or how much time goes by. I wrote "It's Not About the Money" to find out why.

The answer is what I call a person's money makeup -- a powerful set of ideas, formed early in life, that govern spending, giving and investment decisions. And understanding these forces is the key to changing bad financial behaviors for good.

Guess these strangers' money personality

Although there's no denying that in many ways it is easier to be rich than poor, everyone struggles with some aspects of their relationship to money. That's the No. 1 lesson I've learned in running Abacus, a financial-planning and money-management company, for more than a decade.

Don't get me wrong. I am by no means saying that you can't be both wealthy and happy. But whether you have a seven-figure trust fund or a pile of unpaid bills on your kitchen table, your path to freedom requires that you focus first on your inner relationship with money and then on your outer financial circumstances.

That's because our early experiences with money cause us to cling unconsciously to specific strategies to feel secure and happy about our financial decisions. But they are not always the best options. If you want to make lasting changes in your relationship to money, you must first understand your money personality.

Quiz: What's your money type

In working with people from all financial walks of life, I've noticed great similarities among certain groups. So I've created eight broad categories and definitions for those groups:

1. The Guardian is always alert and careful.

2. The Pleasure Seeker prioritizes pleasure and enjoyment in the here and now.

3. The Idealist places the greatest value on creativity, compassion, social justice or spiritual growth.

4. The Saver seeks security and abundance by accumulating more financial assets.

5. The Star spends, invests or gives away money to be recognized, feel hip or classy and increase self-esteem.

6. The Innocent avoids paying significant attention to money, believing (or hoping) that life will work out for the best.

7. The Caretaker gives and lends money to express

compassion and generosity.

8. The Empire Builder thrives on power and innovation to create something of enduring value.

How does it help to know your type?

In my experience, the people who are happiest with their relationship to money are fairly balanced among most, if not all, of these archetypes. But the reality is that most people have one or two dominant archetypes that keep them stuck with unsatisfying financial habits.

One of the areas where our dominant archetypes can create the most damage is investing. For example, the Guardian prefers ultraconservative assets such as certificates of deposit and bonds, and can tend to trade too much to avoid losses. My advice for such a personality: Create a long-term investment plan that requires little meddling, and stick to it.

Or take the Star. When it comes to investing, he or she chooses assets because they're in vogue, such as tech stocks in the late 1990s, real estate and hedge funds more recently or "green" companies for the future. For such a personality, I advise investing 90% of his or her net worth in a "boring," disciplined portfolio and only 10% in a "cocktail party" account, so he or she still has investments to brag about.

Tips for your investing type

Our dominant archetypes can change over time, especially with guidance.

"For many years, my focus was on building my business and savings, to the point of not really taking the time to fully enjoy or share the fruits of my success," says Abacus client John Baudhuin, a co-founder of fitness company Spinning, which developed the group-cycling program used by 35,000 gyms worldwide.

Why I worry more than I need to

"But in recent years, I've shifted some of the emphasis from the Saver and Empire Builder to the Pleasure Seeker and Caretaker, and my life is more balanced as a result. For example, I started a family and splurged on a high-performance car I never would have considered buying even a few years ago."

Baudhuin's story shows how emphasizing the money types we've been neglecting can lead to greater financial fulfillment.

Ultimately, it's not about the money. It's about understanding your money makeup so you know what your most imbalanced tendencies are with spending, saving, giving and investing, and what's motivating those habits.

By incorporating this knowledge, you can make meaningful and lasting changes to create the financial life you most want.

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Produced by Peggy Collins / Graphics by Joe Farro

Published May 22, 2008