My mother always told me that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. I proved her right by falling in love with a rich man, a trust fund baby, when I was in my late 20s. The relationship turned out to be a nightmare of epic proportions, but that's beside the point. The point is that if I'm gut-wrenchingly honest with myself, the only reason that I agreed to go out with TFB in the first place -- and the reason I stayed so long -- was that he was loaded.

He wasn't particularly good-looking, or smart, or honest -- or loyal, generous or sensitive -- but I digress. Money blinded me to all his failings, and we dated for more than a year. Video: "You know he's rich, right?"

If agreeing to date someone just because he was flush made me a shallow, money-grubbing gold digger, so be it. At that point in my life, I was tired of living hand to mouth, worrying how the bills were going to get paid and making the dreaded weekly choice between martinis and food. I liked the lifestyle he had, and I wanted a piece of it, too. The idea of relaxing financially for a while conferred an unmistakable appeal on a person who didn't have much else to recommend him.

Lots of women just like me, especially those struggling or already accustomed to a luxurious lifestyle, know that learning a man has money makes him seem more attractive.

"As soon as you hear someone has money, it entices you," says Gilda Oliviera, a 25-year-old senior sales associate for Marriott who is based in Jersey City, N.J. Oliviera works part time as a model. "Being younger, you want things to come easier. You do want someone to take care of you." Video: Have you dated for money?

Even women who don't need a man with money still prefer one. Saila Smith, a 35-year-old real estate professional in Manhattan -- originally from Bangladesh -- grew up in the lap of luxury, with maids, chauffeurs and a silver spoon. Today, she still finds moneyed men attractive, not because she needs them to pay all the bills, but because they don't give her a hard time about spending thousands for the latest Chanel bag.

Tell us: Is money a turn-on?

"I'm accustomed to a certain lifestyle," says Smith. "I buy stuff for myself. If I was married to a college professor, he'd freak if he saw me spend that much money. There would be a major disconnect."

Whatever the reason, experts say that at our core, there's one reason we find wealthy men attractive: instinct. Women, research shows, rank the ability to provide as the most important quality when selecting a mate. Men, not surprisingly, prize a woman's looks and youthfulness over her other qualities, because those are indicators of fecundity. It's all about finding the best person to breed with.

As it turns out, we're all just slaves to our prehistoric urges, even in an era when none of those millenniums-old rules would seem to apply. Women make plenty of their own money, and thanks to science, procreation can happen much later in a woman's life. So why do we continue to fall into these prehistoric patterns of mate selection? Our instincts were shaped over millions of years, and they don't change as fast as society does, it seems. Instinct maintains its tenacious grip.

And what a grip. An oft-quoted study by John Marshall Townsend of Syracuse University and Gary Levy from the University of Toledo showed just how strongly women are still attracted to money. They presented a group of women with three groups of photos and asked them which men they would like to date. The first group showed men in suits and expensive watches who the women were told were doctors. The men in the second group wore plain shirts and Swatch watches and were described as teachers. The third group wore Burger King uniforms. The women overwhelmingly picked the doctors, even when they weren't as good-looking as the men in the third group.

A 2006 study done through the University of Chicago shows that men who post online profiles indicating income of $250,000 a year generate significantly more contacts (up to 151% more) than those who make under $50,000.

One New York City entrepreneur is testing whether riches work as an aphrodisiac when the wealthy one is the woman. Jeremy Ableson, president of luxury Web site Pocket Change NYC, is planning a "Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys" party, and he expects thousands of money-hungry boys to sign up to snag one of the rich cougars likely to be in attendance. (He and his team will screen partygoers ahead of time to make sure the women are rich and the boys are young and good-looking.)

This party follows hotly on the heels of his "Natural Selection" bash in March, at which wealthy men and gorgeous women were carefully screened to participate in a speed-dating event -- an event brash enough to give the financially and genetically gifted what they were really looking for in a date. The controversial party was covered widely in the national press. Video: Wealthy men and beautiful women

"Money is absolutely an aphrodisiac," says Ableson. "But I'm just talking about initial attraction. Can it sustain a relationship? Absolutely not." Boy, do I hear that. Video: A day job or a Ferrari?

Smith hears it, too, and knows from personal experience. She was once engaged to a very wealthy man in Philadelphia. He treated her like a queen and they lived in the lap of luxury, but something was missing.

"I guess I just wasn't as in love with him as I thought I was," she says. "My friends thought I was crazy for leaving him."

She broke up with Dream Man and moved back to New York to start over, borrowing money from family and friends to get back on her feet. "Would I be with someone just because he had money? No. Other things have to be there.

"It's like being a beautiful woman," she continues. "It'll get you in the door, but if you don't have anything interesting to say or do, what's the point?"

Published July 4, 2008