Money isn't the culprit in most divorces

By Liz Pulliam Weston

Journalists love to drive a stake through the heart of conventional wisdom. So when a California State University professor announced that money was not the leading cause of divorce, I started whittling a new Mr. Pointy.

After all, how many times have we heard that money is the root of all marital evil? The canard that money causes more divorces than any other factor is repeated in books, magazines and Web sites of all stripes.

Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento, had heard the conventional wisdom, too. Far from being a skeptic, he wanted to prove the link when he wrote his doctoral dissertation on the subject at Utah State University. Andersen had long taught courses in personal finance and, as the child of divorce himself, liked the idea that improving people's money skills could help their marriages.

Unfortunately, he found research in this area has been thin, to say the least. The only survey Andersen could find that showed a strong link between money and divorce was one culled from data collected in 1948. When this survey of postwar divorced women was asked what ended their marriages, the leading response was "nonsupport" -- meaning their husbands hadn't provided enough money for the basic necessities of life.

Needless to say, a few things have changed since then, including more women in the workforce and less financial dependence on men. Andersen also points out that nonsupport was one of the few grounds for which you could get a divorce back in the old days. What's more, the survey focused only on the women; opinions of ex-husbands weren't solicited.

Look at broader causes of divorce

The more recent research Andersen reviewed relegated money to a lesser role in divorce. Rarely was it ranked higher than fourth or fifth, with other causes -- incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems -- typically ranking higher.

Money causes friction, of course. In a study of married couples from 1980 to 1992, 70% reported some kind of money problems. When Andersen looked deeper at that database, however, he found that those problems didn't necessarily lead to divorce.

"As a predictor of divorce, money problems are … so minor," Andersen said. "If we look at all the causes of divorce, financial problems can only account for 5% of the effect."

It's important to note here that Andersen wasn't looking at popular opinion polls -- what people think causes divorce or even what people are willing to tell a telephone survey caused their own divorce. He was looking at sociological research that had some intellectual rigor and scientific controls. He wanted to determine whether money could be singled out as a predictor of divorce, rather than something most married couples struggle with.

Andersen speculates that money may be a socially acceptable reason for divorce, while other issues -- like incompatibility, abuse or sexual problems -- could be harder to talk about.

"No one is going to say, 'I got divorced because I was a jerk,' Andersen said. "It's more acceptable to say, 'We had money troubles.' "

Not everyone agrees. Olivia Mellan, a therapist who specializes in helping people with money problems, believes money and sex are still taboo subjects, and she hears enough tales of money woe in her practice that she's unconvinced by Andersen's research.

The issues that money represents

On the other hand, Mellan agreed with Andersen that many couples fight about money rather than address deeper problems that may lie underneath.

"It's always what the money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth," said Mellan, a Washington D.C. therapist, who has written several books on money and relationships, including, "Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships."

Looking for the "real" causes of divorce may be a bit of a snipe hunt, added financial planner Ginita Wall, a San Diego-based expert on divorce and finance. Usually the causes are multiple, said Wall, author of several books, including "Your Next 50 Years" and "Our Money, Our Selves."

"Of course it's incompatibility: money incompatibility, sexual incompatibility, cooking incompatibility," said Wall. "You could always take it one step further and say the leading cause of divorce is marriage."

There's no question in Wall's mind that money problems certainly can exacerbate underlying tensions to the breaking point.

"When there's not enough money to go around," Wall said, "people look for someone to blame, and the other spouse is sitting right there."

Andersen hasn't given up on the money-divorce link. He's now looking at couples' debt loads to see if credit problems might be a divorce predictor. He also believes, personally, that learning to deal with money problems can make a marriage less stressful, and perhaps more likely to survive.

Other divorce factors, such as 'the jerk'

Still, what Andersen's seen so far convinces the professor, who's been married 20 years, that more research is necessary.

"Financial problems are part of the mix," Andersen said, "but to pick them out and say they're a great cause of divorce is premature."

In the absence of definitive research, then, we're left with just anecdotal evidence. I've never been divorced, and neither have most of my friends or family members. In the few divorces I've observed where I knew both parties well, money was often a significant problem -- but so was a deep-seated inability to compromise. Sometimes, both partners displayed a refusal to take the other's viewpoint as seriously and compassionately as they did their own. Other times it was mostly one partner, usually the one the rest of us called "the jerk."

Mellan believes most couples come to relationships with different attitudes about money, and she postulates that even people with similar views will polarize each other over time: Two spenders will change, so that one becomes more conservative with money while the other becomes even more profligate. She also believes, however, that even the most diametrically opposed couples can work out compromises.

"It's hard work, but it can be done," said Mellan, whose latest book is "Money Shy to Money Sure: A Woman's Road Map to Financial Well-Being."

One area that Andersen didn't research, by the way, was the effect of money on second marriages. He concentrated on first marriages alone. But Wall has her own theories.

"I've always heard that money was the leading cause for the first divorce, and children were the cause of the second," Wall said.

Liz Pulliam Weston's column appears every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions in the Your Money message board.