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It's not really news that most people don't have an estate plan. What's truly scary is that parents of minor kids are apparently even less likely than others to have prepared a will.
That's the conclusion of a 2007 study by the self-help Web site LegalZoom, which commissioned a survey that found 70.2% of American adults overall and 74.4% of parents with children under 18 had no will or other estate documents.
Interestingly, the very reason parents need a will may be one of the major impediments to getting the job done, and that's agreeing on a guardian. Nearly one out of five parents surveyed said guardianship issues were holding them back.
That corresponds with estate planner Colleen Barney's experience.
"People who can't agree on guardians won't do anything," said Barney, a co-author of the book "Best Intentions: Ensuring That Your Estate Plan Delivers Both Wealth and Wisdom."
Not everybody actually needs a will, as I wrote in "3 legal papers you shouldn't live without." If you don't have kids and really don't care what happens to your stuff, your state has rules for distributing what's left after you die.
The only people who always, without a doubt, need a will are parents of minor kids. There's typically no easy mechanism for determining who takes over when the parents of minors die. Your children could wind up the center of an ugly court battle, be foisted on a relative who doesn't want them or be stranded in the foster-care system if nobody steps up in time.
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Common-sense solutions
If you care about your kids, this is a no-brainer, and you shouldn't let the sun set on another day without taking care of this issue. Here's what you do:Deal with it. Yes, death is scary, and contemplating your own mortality is icky. But you're the grown-up, so get over it and get this done.
Lower your expectations. Be real: Is there anyone on the planet, including your spouse, whose parenting skills are perfect in your eyes? So why are you expecting perfection from a guardian? What you want is someone who will love your kids and raise them with the values that are most important to you.
Widen your net. Many people pick family members to be their children's prospective guardians, but that's not the only option. Good friends, especially those who already have kids, might be a better choice in some situations. A neighbor could be a workable option for an older child who might otherwise have to be uprooted and moved across the country.
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Picking a guardianAsk someone who shares your values and circumstances, and make it official with a will.
Keep it civil. If you're married, you'll have to find a guardian both of you can endorse. That can get awfully tricky, particularly if you're advocating for one of your family members, and your spouse is advocating for his or her side. Avoid the temptation to criticize your spouse or your spouse's choice, which can just blow up into a pointless battle. Talk about the positive attributes you want a guardian to possess, and be ready to compromise.
By the way, if you're a single parent, your ex would typically get custody after your death regardless of what your will says, but you should consult an attorney for details.
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