Kids' parties at spare-no-expense prices

By Melinda Fulmer

Karin Urban wanted to pull out all the stops for her daughter Sabrina's fifth birthday party. Knowing that her daughter loved horses, the Westlake Village, Calif., stay-at-home mom brought in two ponies to a local park last May, hired a magician and rented a merry-go-round and a pony-themed bounce house. A local caterer brought in food for almost 150 people, and a professional photographer snapped pictures of the event.

The cost? $6,000.

Forget cake, ice cream and pinning the tail on the donkey. Kids' birthday parties these days are becoming much more lavish affairs, at prices rivaling in some cases the cost of a small wedding.

"There is a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses mentality," said children's party planner Leesa Zelken of Santa Monica, Calif.-based Send in the Clowns. "(Parents) tell me, 'I need to do more. I want to do it better'," than their neighbors.

For some, that means hauling in truckloads of fake snow for front-yard sledding. For others, it means hiring Disney characters, face painters, balloon sculptors and magicians to keep the kids entertained.

Urban admits that her kids' birthday parties are a point of pride and she takes great pleasure in hearing that other parents will clear their schedules to attend her events.

"I don't want to let people down," she said. "I want them to get that 'Wow!' sensation every time when they walk in."

And she's willing to spend a lot of money to get it. Two years earlier, she forked out $10,000 on a princess party for Sabrina, sending a Cinderella character out to the homes of dozens of children to hand-deliver an invitation along with a song. She hired 10 princesses that day, as well as a horse-drawn carriage, 12-foot-tall balloon sculptures of the Little Mermaid, 10 activity tents and characters out of "Alice in Wonderland."

"The balloons themselves cost $4,500," she said. "It was a little crazy."

Party is for the parents, too

While that birthday bill eclipses that of most parents, party experts say spending at all income levels has been rising steadily over the past several years as parents have looked for ways to connect with their kids.

Kirkland, Wash.-based Celebrate Express, a supplier of birthday-party goodies, says the size of its orders has been growing 5% to 7% annually for the last three years. In its fiscal third quarter, birthday-related sales climbed 15% over the same time a year ago.

Even with consumer confidence waning and gas prices rising, says Chief Executive Kevin Green, people are still upping their spending on parties.

"The last place parents stop spending is for their kids. While this business isn't recession-proof, it's as close as any business can be," he said.

Social psychologist Susan Newman, author of "Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day," believes parents of young children are doing more of these extravagant parties as a way to impress their friends and validate their own self-worth.

"They want to be able to show family and friends that they have made it, that they have this money to spend," she said. "It's a reflection more of the (desires of the) parents than the child."

It's also, she said, a way for some parents to assuage their guilt about how much time they spend with their child. Party planners, however, see it as an evolution in how people are entertaining.

"Parents don't have as many opportunities to entertain," said Zelken. Without the Saturday cocktail parties of the past, "they're using their kids' parties as a way for adults to get together."

Moreover, she said, because parents are having their children at an older age, they have more money to spend on these parties.

'Something they will always remember'

Janet Walsh-Helton, a Seattle mother of two and school volunteer, spent about $5,000 and several months of her time on her daughter Freya's "Harry Potter" birthday party two years ago. While her daughter liked the "Harry Potter" books and was thrilled with the opportunity to recreate Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Diagon Alley in her home, she admits the party was for her as well.

"We are both huge fans," she said. "And I used to be an actress, so I thought it would be fun."

Helton gave each kid a robe, wand, personal astrology chart and cauldron full of candy and enlisted the help of a dozen parents and neighbors to pose as potions instructors and wizards, between socializing and sips of wine.

She went so far in recreating the book, however, with a monster that peered into the window and a medium going into a trance, that she wound up scaring a few of Freya's friends.

"It was a little too much for them," she said. Still, she said, her daughter loved it and her friends still talk about the party occasionally. "We will be part of something that people will always remember," she said.

Melissa Ryder, a Tarzana, Calif., fund-raiser for abused women and children, spent $5,000 on a birthday party earlier this year for her twin 8-year-old daughters, Maggie and Katie.

She says she does it because she enjoys entertaining and spending time with other parents, and because she wants to do something memorable for her daughters.

"We usually invite around 150 people and have a BBQ with all the carnival games."

This year, Ryder and her radio personality husband rented a rock-climbing wall, a bounce house and arcade games, as well as hiring people to conduct party games and make mini-doughnuts for the kids to snack on.

This, she said, is scaling back for them. Ryder has thrown a huge party for the girls each year since they were born.

Can you top this?

While parents say they like attending these huge parties, many acknowledge there is a downside to all the over-the-top fun. It raises expectations for their own child's parties.

Charlene Prince Birkeland, a Silicon-Valley mother of two and freelance journalist, says she felt pressure to do something big for her 4-year-old son's birthday this year after attending several parties with backyard petting zoos, trained parrot shows and other entertainment.

She hired a popular local musician, Andy Z, whom her son Nolan had watched almost every week at the local farmers market.

While the other kids were impressed to see the entertainer at their friend's house, the birthday boy seemed a little confused and scared by the experience.

"It didn't have the reaction we were hoping for from the get-go," said Birkeland. "He ran the opposite direction and hid under a tree and watched him from afar."

"We definitely made an agreement that we will go back to basics," after the experience, she said.

Some parents, seeking to bypass the indulgence and excess of big parties, are starting to throw charity birthday parties for their kids, asking attendees to pick out presents for kids at their local children's hospital or women's shelter, or even buy supplies for the Red Cross.

However, that's still the exception rather than the rule.

For most parents, birthday parties are still dictated by the child's interests. And that's OK, says Newman, as long as you recognize the risk associated with year-after-year of lavish parties.

"As your children get older, they can begin to feel that they deserve this; that they are entitled to having a birthday party that their friends and their parents' friends will talk about."

Moreover, she said, you send the message that "money buys happiness, and money is what makes a party great." If they have seen it all by age 13, she said, "What are they going to do for their wedding?"

Thankfully, planners say, most kids start wanting to scale back their birthday parties -- whether their parents like it or not -- around the age of 8 or 9.

Helton's daughter Freya, for instance, chose this year to go see a movie with a big group of her friends, rather than have a huge party.

Urban, however, is already starting to think about her son A.J.'s fifth birthday party next year.

"Life is too short," she said. "My children are only going to be this small for so long."

Throw a memorable party without breaking the bank

Have the event at your house. Holding a party at an outside venue can bump up the cost significantly and limit what you can and can't do. Some parks, for instance, prohibit piñatas and music.

Set up areas for arts and crafts. Kids love the sense of accomplishment that comes with creating things, Newman said. Have the kids make clay dinosaurs or paint their own favor bags or placemats. Set up a make-your-own ice-cream sundae bar or have kids decorate their own cookies or cupcakes.

Keep favors and decorations simple. You don't have to have Curious George on every plate cup and balloon. Make some decorations out of construction paper and have someone dress in head-to-toe yellow to pose as the man in the yellow hat. Get creative. Load goody bags with candy and cheap rubber balls. Even at huge parties like Ryder's, those items are a big winner.

Bake that cake! (Or decorate one yourself.) This is where parents can create a lasting memory for a child, Newman said. Use different sized pans to create a cake in the shape of something the child is fascinated with. Sometimes, she said, the goofier it looks, the more memorable it is. If you don't have the time, or if you are all thumbs in the kitchen, check out the cakes at your local warehouse club. You can often get a larger cake for half the price of most supermarket or bakery cakes. Customize it yourself with plastic figures, ready-made frosting and other decorations.

Keep the party moving. A good party has enough entertainment to keep little ones busy. That doesn't mean hiring jugglers or a six-foot-tall Elmo for the kids. Old-fashioned games like tug-of-war, limbo or an egg race or beanbag toss work well and don't cost a lot. Ryder suggests having a couple of activities going at once, so if kids don't like one or can't do one thing, they can still have fun. Instead of paying for expensive entertainers, she suggests hiring local teenagers to run the games and paint faces.

Melinda Fulmer is a free-lance writer in Los Angeles. For nine years she was a staff reporter at The Los Angeles Times, covering everything from food to real estate. She can be reached at melinda.fulmer@gmail.com.