Need to call home and ask for a big loan?
Pray that Dad answers.
That's a key finding of a new CreditCards.com poll that, in these credit-crunched times, looked at the generosity and attitudes of many young folks' lenders of last resort: their parents.
The survey found that fathers tend to be considerably softer touches than mothers when it comes to bailing out kids from big financial trouble.
Not that anyone -- fathers, mothers, whomever -- was particularly eager to be placed in that situation. It's just not a good time for that sort of thing.
"These tough, frightening, challenging economic times have forced most people into becoming more cautious and discriminating concerning any spending," said Barbara Udell, a family and individual therapist. "And most parents had hoped that they taught their children the value of money and how to handle it."
Still, 21% of fathers said they would give their kids more than $20,000 to pay off credit card bills and other debts, even if the parents had no expectation of ever getting paid back -- though many said they would accompany their checks with objections and reprimands. ("For crying out loud, Junior, are you out of your mind?")
Only 12% of mothers said they would write those kinds of checks for their chicks.
The gap broadened when parents expected to be repaid eventually. In that case, 30% of fathers would give their debt-laden children $20,000 or more, but only 15% of mothers would do the same.
Why the disparity?
"Dads identify with the burden of debt if they are the main breadwinners," said Dotty Sasmor, a psychologist and family therapist in the Miami area. "Also, dads may identify with their own youthful debt behavior, especially if their dads bailed them out."
Let-down moms or softy dads?
The mothers' reticence may not be easy to explain, but psychologists were not surprised."Some factors, like the ages of parents, the ages of children and the parents' own financial situation may play a role," Sasmor said. "Given that, I think most women have very strong values about money -- money representing safety, security, freedom, love, etc."
Udell put it more bluntly.
"Experience," she said. "In these cases, they have been disappointed too many times by their children, who did not follow through on taking responsibility for their actions through the years."
But there could be another explanation, Sasmor said. "Possibly dads are just pushovers."
The scientific poll was conducted for CreditCards.com by GfK Roper. Pollsters interviewed 1,004 women and men from various parts of the country through random-digit dialing.
Most of the poll respondents had children, but some did not, and -- as one might expect -- that sometimes influenced their responses.
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Absolutely not. No matter how much or how little was owed.
Women who do not have children were most likely to feel that way. Among these women, 20% said, in essence, "no way, no how," compared with 13% of men in the same category.
Medical debts? Sure. Gambling? Not so much
Most parents, of course, did not adopt such an absolutist view.And other results of the poll strongly suggested that, in these difficult economic times, most American adults have a balanced and nuanced set of standards when it comes to their children and their children's debts.
They are likely to help in some situations but not in others. So here is the bottom line for the younger generation:
If you run into trouble with student loans, medical bills, your rent or mortgage payment or even your auto loan, give Mom, or better, Dad a call. Your parents are probably willing to help if you're willing to endure an earful.
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But listen here, Buster or Darling: If you get over your head with gambling bills and maybe even your credit cards, you are on your own.
The CreditCards.com poll found that nearly 66% of mothers and 61% of fathers would never help their kids with gambling debts. An additional 23% of mothers and 30% of fathers would "somewhat object" to helping kids come out from under gambling liabilities.
When it comes to credit card bills, 29% of mothers and nearly 26% of fathers would never help, and more than 42% of mothers and 51% of fathers would object somewhat to doing so.
'A question of values'
It's an entirely different story when it comes to debts that seem more productive and socially acceptable, though.Among respondents, 70% of fathers and nearly 59% of mothers said they would have little objection to helping their children pay off student loans, a majority of both genders feels the same way about mortgage payments or rent, and a plurality of men and women would have little objection to helping with auto loans.
Obviously, parents are aware of the legitimate financial pressures confronting their children during this economic downturn.
"This seems clearer to me as a question of values," Sasmor said. "Gambling and credit card debt are seen as irresponsible, while student loans, owning a home and a car are much more socially valued."
Continued: Children's financial education
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