Your fantasy wedding for less cash

"The hardest part was getting over this conception that I had to have the perfect princess wedding," says Bleheim.

"My husband helped me. He said, 'Do you care about marrying me, or do you care about the wedding?' Finally I realized that if I had to give up on some of the things I'd been dreaming about since I was a little girl, nobody would notice."

Set financial boundaries

With a $5,000 budget for an 80-person wedding, having clear financial parameters helped Bleheim and her husband be realistic (and sometimes ruthless) about what they could and could not afford. "We both had student loan debt and credit card debt," Bleheim says, "and I couldn't see the point of spending $30,000 on one day."

Bleheim had dreamed of elegantly wrapped boxes of candy as wedding favors, but quickly dumped her dream as the cost ratcheted up toward $500. She settled on personalized bookmarks, which cost only $50 -- "and they represent us perfectly, because we're both bookish."

Next thing she crossed off the list: a classic honeymoon in Hawaii. "It would have cost us $6,000!"

The couple settled on a fun weekend in Las Vegas -- for a mere $1,200.

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Despite the many ways the couple economized, Bleheim says, nobody noticed. "In fact, most people who see our pictures say, 'Wow, this must have cost you a fortune' -- but it didn't."

Advice from other brides

There's nothing quite like the collective wisdom of those who have been there, done that and saved a bundle. Here is some advice from those readers. You can also check out the Women in Red message board for more advice about cutting back wedding costs.

Pay for your priorities. Michelle Kidd Peck, a legal secretary who got married last year in Boise, Idaho, said she and her husband were able to keep their wedding costs to about $2,500. "Decide on a few things that are most important to you, spend your money on those things -- and do everything else on the cheap," Peck advises.

Take half-measures. Rather than pay for a full-on reception, Peck and her husband decided on a dessert-only affair. "It cost us about $400 to feed 300 people." Ditto for the photographer. "I booked him for only an hour and a half," to do portraits, Peck says. Her sister-in-law volunteered to do the candid shots at the reception.

Skimp on alcohol. Given that many wedding venues tack on a hefty price for providing a full bar, many WIR posters found clever ways to get around this sin tax. Among the suggestions:

• Have a morning wedding.
• Grit your teeth and have a cash bar.
• Serve only beer and wine.
• Have a two-hour cocktail-and-hors d'oeuvres reception.

Peck and her husband decided to serve no alcohol at all, as it is not part of their religious tradition.

Find alternatives to anything "wedding." Glorianne Olivencia, who lives in New York City, spent less than $2,000 on her wedding a few years ago. She had her reception at a restaurant -- she just didn't book it as a wedding reception. "We had about 30 close friends and family. The tab came to about $1,200." Bleheim reached the same conclusion when she approached hotels in pricey Santa Barbara, "and most wanted $20,000 just to walk in the door." Prices were much more reasonable at venues in a nearby, much less fancy suburb.

Rely on the kindness of others. By accepting "a lot of help from well-chosen people," Peck says, she and her husband saved thousands of dollars. Her policy was that if anyone offered a talent or a service for the wedding, she would gratefully accept by saying: "Thank you, and you don't need to worry about a wedding gift."

As a result of this quid pro quo, in effect, Peck and her husband were on the receiving end of many generous offers, from an uncle who paid for their invitations to friends who helped cater the reception to relatives who paid for the couple's plane tickets and hotel room in Cancun.

Underlying all this advice, of course, is the very point Rebecca Mead makes in her sharp analysis of the wedding industry: Before you spend thousands of dollars on your dream day -- even if you have the cash -- just make sure you're spending your money on what you want, not the trappings of a fantasy that has been manufactured to profit someone else.

Updated Nov. 18, 2008

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