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Liz Pulliam Weston

The Basics

Do smart women marry money?

Continued from page 1

It's time for full disclosure: I didn't marry for money, and I'm glad.

I tried dating investment bankers and other masters of the universe. But when I finally felt confident enough to provide for myself, financially and emotionally, I promptly met the man of my dreams.

He wasn't rich -- far from it. But he wasn't a financial mess either. In the 12 years we've been happily married, we've grown richer together in every sense.

So here's my advice to women, and men, when it comes to love and money:

Be your own Prince Charming. That means being fully self-supporting and having finances that work. Live within your means, save for retirement, have an emergency fund, and pay off credit card debt. Don't wait for another person or a lottery ticket to save your bacon.

Once you've got your finances on track, then:

Don't marry anyone who will screw it up. And yes, despite some of the protestations I've heard from the divorced, you usually can see it coming if you choose to look.

Gamblers, addicts and drunks will put you on the fast track to financial misery, but so will someone who won't control his spending, who drags around credit card debt and who refuses to save for the future.

Most often, money problems in marriage are less dramatic. You can save yourself a lot of pain by ditching the rescue fantasies, discussing your finances honestly and creating together a financial plan for your future.

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Liz Pulliam Weston is the Web's most-read personal-finance writer. She is the author of several books, most recently "Your Credit Score: Your Money & What's at Stake." Weston's award-winning columns appear every Monday and Thursday, exclusively on MSN Money. She also answers reader questions on the Your Money message board.

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Wednesday, July 01, 2009 10:36:17 PM

The statistics really show that men marry up for money and political muscle. Think John Kerry w/ Teresa Hienz. John Mc Cain and Cindy.

              I am amazed by the belief by both sexes that women are the Gold-digger's, when in fact every male in my class married up.

Thursday, July 02, 2009 1:57:00 AM
Liz Pulliuam Weston you are so out of touch with reality its not even funny. if this is what your advice is for young girls ( hope you have a daughter ) and you look like a leader in community, you are encouraging destruction of your cultures & institutions of marriage and your family - this theory could probably be ok in stone age but not in high tech communities of today where women have found a place of dignity & honour and know their rights. I am amazed at yr belief which opens a path that can let your daughters sisters and moms be either concubines or ****...
Thursday, July 02, 2009 4:19:33 AM

  good article, These days young people seem to be incapable to  look to the future at all, many immature girls end up with criminals and there are masses of seemingly intelligent young men walking around in a fog that I am thinking that the culture we live in(television and high tech) has direct adverse influence on our young,the majority of our  population were never taught how to save nevermind that they have no idea how to put in a whole day's work.

         My (very successful IMHO) best friend was talking about his son being irresponsible and wondered why...I asked,how much did your cell phone cost....he said ..free,it came with the program...and then I asked how much did your unemployed son pay for his phone? he said,$290.00.

     

       

Thursday, July 02, 2009 6:07:22 AM

beatrecession,

Did you read the article?  No, really, Did you read the article?.

You missed the point about standing on your own two feet.

My wife and I learned the hard way in previous relationships to do it ourselves.  Now we are retired [early] and live off the income we earned and SAVED/INVESTED.  No sugar daddies.  No high tech pipe dreams, no "greater fool" real estate bubble chasing where one buys a house and expect an even bigger fool to pay me more in a few years.

Thursday, July 02, 2009 6:30:17 AM

Thank you for the objective view of both sides of this argument. 

 

America is raising its young men wrong.  The message about leadership isn't hitting home anymore (which is shouldn't anyway in a democracy) but neither is respect, responsibility or caring.  As well, girls are being raised with so little self respect and end up prostituting themselves to be "popular". 

 

The drawbacks of the weathy person: 

1.  They never heard no in their lives.

2.  Strong sense of entitlement.

3.  Materialistic and pretenious.

4.  They expect the same lifestyle as they had living with mom and dad and don't have a clue how to earn it themselves because a work ethic was not instilled.

 

Hurrah for taking care of yourself and needing no one....you decide to keep him around because he means something to you.

 

Thursday, July 02, 2009 6:57:18 AM

Yo, beatrecession -

Did you actually read Liz's article?  Based on your ridiculous response,

I'd have to guess "no".

Thursday, July 02, 2009 7:23:09 AM
Beatrecession:  Say what?  Did you notice the little "next >" at the bottom of the first page?  Or did you even read that far?
Thursday, July 02, 2009 7:26:40 AM
beatrecession,

Did you read the entire article or did you stop before she said that the advice given in the first part was not "good" advice? If you did read the entire article however I would be curious as to why you believe supporting yourself and not counting on a man to take care of you but marrying someone that you can grow with and love would be "destruction of your cultures & institutions of marriage and your family".
Thursday, July 02, 2009 7:27:53 AM
Oh, my.

Great comment, but not to this article! Find the author of the book to which Ms Weston refers, and you will have found the target you seek. She clearly points out the falacies, so she is on your side in this discussion.
Thursday, July 02, 2009 8:18:04 AM

Sigh...to this single, self-supporting 41 yo female, sounds like a slice of heaven!  The drawbacks of the weathy person: 1.  They never heard no in their lives. 2.  Strong sense of entitlement. 3.  Materialistic and pretenious. 4.  They expect the same lifestyle as they had living with mom and dad and don't have a clue how to earn it themselves because a work ethic was not instilled.

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