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When it comes to finding lasting love, financial responsibility beats out hot sex, at least according to a survey commissioned by credit scoring company Fair Isaac.
| Trait | Total | Male | Female |
|---|---|---|---|
Faithfulness | 53% | 50% | 56% |
Honesty | 52% | 52% | 51% |
Financial responsibility | 22% | 20% | 24% |
Sense of humor | 18% | 18% | 18% |
Sexual compatibility | 10% | 12% | 8% |
All of the above | 13% | 13% | 13% |
None of the above | 1% | 1% | 1% |
Source: Opinion Research Group. Margin of error plus or minus 3 percentage points.
The survey of 1,022 American adults, conducted by Opinion Research Group, asked what two personal traits were most important to a long-term relationship. The answers:
- Faithfulness and honesty came out first and second, selected by 53% and 52% of the respondents, respectively.
- Financial responsibility was third, selected by 22% of the respondents.
- A sense of humor was No. 4 (18%).
- Sexual compatibility came in fifth, selected by just 10% of the respondents. Erotic harmony was more important to men than women -- 12% of males cited it, compared with 8% of females -- but it still ranked last with both sexes.
Respondents were asked, "Which two of the following five personal traits do you consider more important than the others in sustaining your relationships with a husband, wife or significant other?"
You might expect that a financial concern like Fair Isaac -- which came up with the three-digit credit-scoring formula most lenders use to evaluate your creditworthiness -- would value fiscal sobriety. But a spokesman for the company said they weren't expecting so much of the public to share their view
"I definitely didn't expect people to say their mate's financial responsibility was more important than sexual compatibility for sustaining relationships," said Fair Isaac spokesman Craig Watts. "That's not something that the daytime soaps want to hear!"
A big source of pressure
Financial troubles ranked even higher when people were asked what situations put the most pressure on relationships. Problems paying bills tied with in-law troubles as the top sources of stress.Respondents were asked, "Which two of the following six situations have put the most pressure and stress on your relationships with a husband, wife or significant other?"
| Situation | Total | Male | Female |
|---|---|---|---|
Problems with in-laws, relatives | 30% | 26% | 33% |
Problems paying bills | 30% | 27% | 32% |
Problems with children | 24% | 20% | 28% |
Work-related situations | 24% | 27% | 20% |
Lack of intimacy/affection | 21% | 21% | 22% |
Political, religious disagreements | 10% | 12% | 9% |
All of the above | 1% | 2% | 1% |
None of the above | 12% | 13% | 11% |
Anyone who's been in a relationship with a financially irresponsible mate knows how much tension the resulting money problems can cause. Ask Lori in Idaho, a newlywed who e-mailed me after being blindsided by her new husband's bills.
"When we got together, he never told me he had bad debt," she wrote. "Now that we are married, it seems like it is just popping up all over the place."
His bad credit caused a crisis when the couple had to move suddenly and had trouble finding a landlord who would rent to them. They found a place at the last minute, but Lori said the stress was overwhelming.
"He keeps talking about buying a house or starting his own business, but his past is killing us," Lori said, "and I am afraid it is going to affect our marriage."
You might think such relationships are doomed; after all, it's pretty hard to row a boat to shore when your partner is punching holes in the hull. But that's not necessarily so, said psychotherapist Olivia Mellan.
"Some people really do want to change, and they do the work that's required," said Mellan, author of several books about money, including "Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners." "Others can't, won't, don't."
Can this financial partnership be saved?
Both partners' willingness to communicate and compromise is essential to surviving financial problems, as I discussed in "9 ways to rein in a spendthrift spouse."Rate this Article
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