Steps you must take when someone dies

By Liz Pulliam Weston

My mother's death from colon cancer in 1993 was hardly a surprise, since she fought the slowly spreading disease for nearly five years. She was determined to win until the very end, but she also was realistic enough to put most of her affairs in order before she died.

Still, the list of things that had to be done -- and the decisions we survivors were required to make -- was nothing short of overwhelming.

More of us are facing these tasks as our parents age and die. Some of us are helped by parents who are thoughtful and organized, while others must deal with unexpected deaths or loved ones who leave financial chaos behind. Even people who keep fairly good records can leave challenges for their survivors.

No need to rush through paperwork

Dave Thomson's father, for example, left neatly detailed ledgers of most of his day-to-day financial activities but was also a bit of a paperwork packrat. After the older man died in 1979, Thomson, a San Diego resident, spent months tracking down the status of his father's investments, since it wasn't clear from the pile of papers which assets had been sold and which had been kept. The father also had started work on an estate plan, but hadn't finished setting up a crucial trust. Thomson said he was surprised at the amount of time and effort needed to wind up the details of his father's life.

“It took a lot of phone calls and digging at a time of bereavement,” said Thomson, now 72. “It was a full year before we really could say Dad's estate was settled.”

The good news for survivors, said estate-planning attorney Jon J. Gallo, is that in most cases there's no cause for haste. After the initial flurry of activity, you should have plenty of time to get the information you need, weigh the options and make good decisions.

“The family needs some time to pull itself together and recoup,” said Gallo, who lectures on estate planning and insurance. “In most cases, there really isn't any reason you have to rush.”

Here are the things you'll need to do right away, and others you should tackle in the months to come. Although I'm referring specifically to the death of a parent, this action list should come in handy with the death of any relative or close friend.

First things first

The most immediate tasks when someone dies are to make the final arrangements and notify others of the death.

If your parent left specific funeral and burial instructions, with a list of people to be notified, your job is that much easier. If not, you'll need to consult with other family members and look for address books that can help you with your task.

Most people contact a funeral home for help with arrangements. If your parent was religious, call the pastor, priest, rabbi or other religious leader for guidance.

It's also traditional to put together an obituary to run in the local paper. This can be a challenge if your parent didn't leave behind some kind of summary of her life, but you can pick the brains of friends and relatives for help. The funeral director usually can help with this task, or you can call the newspaper and ask about its procedures for running obits.

Essential documents and offers of help

This is a good time to order several copies of the death certificate so that you have these essential documents on hand when you later apply for any life insurance benefits or financial accounts. Again, funeral directors typically can handle this task for you, or you can contact the health department in the county where your parent lived.

How many certificates you need depends on how complex your parent's finances were and what estate planning was done before death, Gallo said.

“I usually tell people to order five or six copies to start with,” Gallo said. “We can always get more later if we need them.”

Now is also a very good time to take others up on their offers of help. Although not everyone is sincere who murmurs, “Let me know if there's anything I can do,” most people would be pleased to have a concrete way to show love and respect for the deceased -- and for the survivors.

Family members or close friends, for example, can divide up the list of people to notify about the death and make the calls. Someone who doesn't mind missing the funeral could stay at the house as a security measure while the service is taking place. (Some burglars reportedly read the obits, looking for homes that are likely to be empty during the funeral.) Whatever you need -- help cleaning the house, a sitter to look after your kids, a new home for the deceased person's plants or pets -- chances are someone close to you or to the deceased is willing to provide.

Taking care of business

Your parent probably was receiving income from somewhere -- an employer, a pension, the Social Security Administration, or perhaps all three. Legally, they need to be told of the death.

If your parent was employed or receiving a pension, you should notify the company's human-resources department within a few days of the death. This also will start the process of collecting any life insurance, accrued vacation pay or other benefits the employer may owe the family.

If your parent received Social Security checks, you'll want to inform the Social Security Administration promptly. The administration is wary of fraud, and you could be in for a nasty battle if checks are issued after your parent's death.

“It becomes a hassle if you don't notify Social Security within a month,” said Ed Long, executive director and staff attorney for Health and Elder Law Programs, a California nonprofit that provides information and education to older adults. HELP's Web site provides a checklist of “Things to Do

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