How to get rid of your folks' stuff

By Liz Pulliam Weston

Sometimes, it comes down to empty Cool Whip containers.

Appraiser Julie Hall has seen thousands in her career, spilling out of kitchen cabinets and jockeying for space with other flotsam -- margarine tubs, bread twist ties, string, rubber bands, plastic bags, pencil nubs -- accumulated by the parents of her clients.

Hall's job is to help these adult children clear out the family home after their folks have died or moved to nursing homes. But the sheer amount of stuff, worthless and valuable, piled up by Depression-era parents is often overwhelming.

"This generation is a generation that doesn't get rid of much," Hall said, "and some of them are downright hoarders."

Children facing this task often react in a way they hadn't expected -- not with grief, Hall said, but with anger.

"They feel Mom and Dad had plenty of time to deal with this stuff during their life," Hall said. "They're furious. Then they feel guilty because they're angry."

Family relationships can suffer

And that's just the start of the bad feelings that clearing an estate can provoke. Fights among siblings over stuff can end in lifelong estrangements. Even those who get along can disagree over what to keep and what to discard, dragging the home-clearing process out for months or even years.

Hall has seen enough discord and problems in her years as an "estate contents specialist" that she authored a book, "The Boomer Burden: Dealing With Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff," filled with advice for surviving the process.

Among her tips:

Focus on family unity. Most likely, your parents wanted their children to get along, not bicker over stuff. When making decisions, focus on respecting your parents' memory and consider each others' feelings, rather than just your own agenda.

Beware the vultures. That said, there may be neighbors, relatives or "friends of the family" ready to swoop in on the goodies. Some may even justify their actions as "saving" valuables from other, less worthy heirs. If your parents didn't leave someone in charge, such as an executor, appoint someone to secure the house immediately and change the locks. Make sure everyone understands that taking items without the others' consent is theft.

Hire an appraiser. As Hall is fond of saying, just because something's old doesn't mean it's valuable. Likewise, some stuff that looks like junk may not be. (Hall once rescued an old, valuable Louis Vuitton trunk from a garbage bin after an overwhelmed heir threw it out.) You want a professional to help you identify what's worth keeping (or selling) and what isn't.

Decide what to do with the valuable stuff. If your parents didn't designate who gets what, that task falls to the executor, unless you can work out an equitable distribution with your siblings. The valuable items no one wants (or that no one can agree on) can be sold at an estate sale or auction, with the cash distributed to the heirs.

Try to have all your siblings present for the clear-out day. Once the valuable items have been sold or removed for sale, you can schedule a day to clear out the rest of the house. Include everybody, if possible: You need the help, and having everyone present to make decisions can help prevent later recriminations.

Arrange for charitable and trash pickup two or three weeks in advance. Charities often require advance notice for at-home pickups. You'll also want to find out whether the city will haul away a lot of extra trash or whether you'll need to rent a Dumpster. If there are paint cans, pesticides or other hazardous materials in the home -- and there probably are -- contact the nearest hazardous-waste disposal site for its location and hours.

Continued: Shred

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