How to fight off a 'black widow'

By Liz Pulliam Weston

It's a distressingly common phenomenon.

A predator strikes up a relationship, often romantic, with an elderly person. Gradually, the con artist alienates the older person from his or her family, convincing the senior that "they're just after your money."

But money is in fact the predator's real target. Known in retiree communities as "black widows" or "black widowers," after the mate-eating spiders, these malicious folks take control of retirees' finances or induce seniors to give them money and assets, sometimes leaving their victims penniless.

"It's just the worst situation, and it's getting to be so common," said Donna Bashaw, a Laguna Woods, Calif., attorney and the president of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. "The facts in these cases are all so similar. It's like these people go to school to learn how to do this."

A family often finds it tough to counter a black widow's influence. Police may refuse to get involved in what many consider a personal matter. Social workers may not act unless there's solid evidence of neglect or abuse.

'The right to be stupid'

Even the most drastic step -- going to court to try to take over an elderly relative's finances -- may not work if the older person is competent enough to fight back. The family can try to argue that the senior is a victim of "undue influence," that in essence he or she can't resist the influence of the predator, but that doesn't always work.

"After all, everyone has the right to be stupid," Bashaw said. "You may have lost in that situation."

In 2003, about 15% of the 192,243 cases of elder abuse reported in the U.S. involved financial exploitation, according to the National Center on Elder Abuse.

Even when families do wrest control of the finances, it may be too late.

Terrie McKinley of Orange County, Calif., originally welcomed her mother's interest in a former schoolmate that the older woman, then 76, had encountered at a high school reunion. The man was included in family celebrations and at first seemed willing to contribute to household expenses after the couple moved in together.

Then things began to change. The man grew more hostile to McKinley and her family. Although McKinley had long served as her mother's financial adviser -- balancing the older woman's checkbook and advising her on when to renew her certificates of deposit -- the man convinced McKinley's mother that the younger woman couldn't be trusted. McKinley's name was removed from her mother's accounts, and the older couple changed the locks on the condo where they lived.

McKinley said her mother, who was suffering from early stages of dementia, would be left alone for days while the man went on trips. Unexplained bruises began showing up on her face and arms. McKinley said she asked the county's social-service agency to investigate, but no wrongdoing was found.

The man convinced the couple's neighbors that McKinley was the abusive, money-grubbing one. Some of the neighbors confronted McKinley when she visited her mother's condo. McKinley seethed with embarrassment and frustration.

"I said, 'You don't know what's really going on here,' " McKinley recalled.

Savings disappeared

Then one night the older woman broke her leg in two places. While she was in a hospital, doctors discovered she was suffering from malnutrition -- and McKinley discovered the woman's $150,000 savings had vaporized. The money that should have lasted the rest of the woman's life "was gone in six years," McKinley said.

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