How families rip off grandma

Beyond drained bank accounts, such financial exploitation takes another heavy toll -- in strained family relationships. Most families keep these experiences private, out of embarrassment. But the effects can be long-lasting. "There are a lot of hard feelings among the children," Drea says.

Lawyers and elder specialists see scattered signs of progress. The banking industry is getting more involved, Blancato says. The Elder Justice Act, now before Congress, promotes greater public awareness of this kind of abuse. It also encourages training for those who have contact with older people, alerting mail carriers, utility workers and Meals on Wheels volunteers to watch for signs of financial abuse and to seek help.

In California, Johnson says, laws changed in the late 1990s. Specific statutes dealing with financial and physical elder abuse "make it a little easier to go after people, and there are bigger damages."

Every state now also has elder abuse reporting requirements, Drea says. These include phone numbers of local people to call for help. She notes that signs of potential financial exploitation can include unpaid bills, withdrawals from bank accounts and transfers that the older person cannot explain. Sometimes a predator becomes the new "best friend," getting access to funds and bank accounts.

To guard against such problems, legal and financial advisers suggest taking care of estate planning early. If possible, let other people know about it. If putting adult children in charge of an estate is problematic, consider hiring a third party -- an attorney, a CPA -- who is not emotionally attached.

"If you feel you're being abused, tell close friends you're concerned and don't be afraid to go to a lawyer," says Les Kotzer, an attorney and author of "The Family Fight: Planning to Avoid It." He cautions against do-it-yourself remedies, such as making wills on the Internet. Emphasizing the need to choose a trustworthy person to have power of attorney, he adds, "Power of attorney may be one of the most important documents you'll ever sign. You're giving that person the ability to sign your name."

Kotzer also notes that putting property or financial accounts in joint ownership with an adult child can sometimes be risky.

"There can be a lot of financial abuse where you have a caregiving child who is controlling the money," he says. "Before setting up a joint bank account with your (child), ask a lawyer: 'Will this child be able to take the money from me? What if I need it for care and he's already used it for a trip to the Bahamas?'"

In some families, the situation is reversed, and adult children must step in to protect their parents' assets from the parents themselves. This may be necessary when parents are incapable of handling their affairs because of physical or mental illness, or when they are making decisions that jeopardize their financial future, says Dan Taylor, author of "The Parent Care Conversation."

He describes two ways to take control. One is a partnership arrangement where an adult child helps parents each month pay their bills and reconcile their affairs. This requires having a signature card at the bank to be an authorized signer. The other way, a general power of attorney, gives legal authority to manage their fiscal and personal affairs.

Calling financial exploitation a "massive social issue," Godfrey says, "Now that longevity is becoming a fact of life for many more families, we have to plan for it, not as an anomaly but as a reality that is going to affect the whole family. Happily, I see . . . many adult children helping their parents and grandparents deal with the longevity of their lives in a positive way."

Some safety tips for seniors

To help older people protect their finances, the New York State Bar Association's Elder Law Section offers these tips:

• Arrange for direct deposit of Social Security checks and other retirement benefits.

• Do not give anyone access to your ATM cards or passwords.

• Take great care in choosing someone to appoint as power of attorney and in completing or revising a will.

• Be careful about permitting family, friends or tenants to live in your house. Have a written agreement about expectations of services to be performed or rent paid.

• Treat home attendants like employees, not friends.

• Keep valuables hidden if someone comes into the house on a regular basis.

• Maintain contact with family, friends, neighbors and/or your community center. The more active you are, the less likely you are to be exploited.

This article was reported by Marilyn Gardner for The Christian Science Monitor.

Updated May 20, 2009

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