Ease your parents' move to a home

If your parents' doctor isn't in the surrounding area or they have several weekly appointments, you might need to line up other transportation, such as a paid account with a local cab company.

In many cases, prescriptions must also be transferred to a pharmacy that the facility uses, which dispenses the drugs in separately packaged doses, so there is less room for caregiver error. While this is usually more convenient, it's often more expensive, care mangers say. Ask the facility what arrangements they have with a pharmacy and what medication management they offer.

To handle day-to-day expenses, most facilities allow residents to have a small account for petty cash, so they can withdraw money to buy a toy for the grandchild, or buy their favorite cookies or tea at the local grocery store.

"Many communities will keep a certain amount of cash for people, maybe $100, so they don't have to keep going to the bank all the time," said Marybeth Bersani, senior vice president of public policy for the Assisted Living Federation of America.

However, Bersani cautions that residents should leave the expensive jewelry and important documents with a relative, or in a safe-deposit box at the bank. "Although the doors do lock and people have a key to their own room, there's a lot of people coming and going," she said.

Choose comforts carefully

Residents of assisted-living facilities can usually take a television and other appliances, such as a microwave or small dormitory fridge. Some facilities also allow residents to bring in their own bed. And more and more people, she said, are taking a computer along, so they can keep in touch with relatives and friends or entertain themselves.

"Now, they are putting extra phone lines in some rooms," Bersani said.

To save space, many experts suggest taking only a season's worth of your parent's clothes at a time, leaving the rest at your house or in storage. Give Mom and Dad a floor plan to the space and let them show you where they want things to go. Measure the space. If a bed or other furniture won't fit, help them shop for new furniture.

Once it's time for the move, experts say, it's best to get it done quickly. Many caregivers recommend taking your parent out to lunch or to see relatives, then having her room set up with her furniture and other items when she's out.

"Sometimes it's less traumatic" when they don't see movers taking away their belongings, Johnson said.

If your parent is very vocal about wanting to be involved on moving day, let her. Some movers that specialize in seniors will allow residents to show them where to hook up the television and arrange other furniture and décor.

Ease their transition -- and yours

"It's a very big change," said Bersani. "Many people have lived in their home for 50 years."

Don't deny your relative their grief, experts say.

But, at the same time, show them the pluses of living in a community, with greater care, such as not having to bother with preparing meals, or being closer to you and your children, so you can visit more often.

If your parent is moving out of their area, help them find new hairdressers, doctors, churches and other places that they like.

"It's a reason to get out and have a different set of relationships," Johnson said.

And lastly, caregivers say, don't neglect your own needs. Putting a parent in assisted living can bring tremendous grief and guilt to the adult children moving their parents.

"I would recommend a support group," said Gloria Schultz, a systems manager from Philadelphia who moved her mother, Rose, into an assisted-living facility.

"The first two weeks I went to visit her, I had to walk out of the room crying," she said. "It really stirs up a lot of emotional distress."

Updated May 20, 2009

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